bible online (Short stories - Quotes

jokes : bible online

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

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jokes : bible online

Son: Mummy do you know that our maid is an Angel?

Mummy: Why do you say that?

Son: I saw her naked with her hands up on the wall screaming, ”Oh God I’m coming!”

If it was not for daddy that was holding her tight from behind, She would have gone to heaven!

(jokes : bible online)

Husband n wife agreed dat anytime they want 2 hv sex they'll call it a "phone call". 1 day they had a fight n da wife stopped talking 2 da husband n they were talking 2 each other thru their kids. Da husband 2 his son:Tell mommy daddy wants 2 make a phone call Wife replies:Tell daddy da network is down 2day. Dad replies:Tell ur mom dat if there's no network @ home,I'll go 2 a public phone. Wife 2 her son:Tell ur dad if he dare go 2 a public phone,I'll open a call centre @ home!

(jokes : bible online)

jokes : bible online

As I was in a taxi, this lady had two large pizza and headed straight to the back seat. When the taxi was full, the driver with angry face fixed his mirror and said '' even though yuu can go at the back seat, yuu so gona pay for those Tiles''

jokes : bible online

A conversation between a kid and mother...

Kid: Mom what is it which is in your stomach?
Mom: (Laughing) hahaha son that's your sister.
Kid: Ha! (suprised) did you love her?
Mom: Yeah my love, I love her as much as I
love you...
Kid: Mmmmmmh mom, but why did you eat her?

jokes : bible online

A Teacher asked: Which part of body goes to heaven first?.

A student replies: THE LEGS.... because every night I see my mum's legs up high and she's
screaming "OOOOHHHH GOD, I'MMMMM COMINGGGGGG".

jokes : bible online

Mr Zulu wanted 2 divorce his wife and were in court.

Judge:Mr Zulu,we understand your complain.
Mr Zulu:Thank you,Your Honour.
Judge:But on what grounds do you want 2 divorce your wife?
Mr Zulu:I don't care about the grounds.It can be Moses Mabhida,Ellis Park or Soccer City!As long as she is out of my life!

jokes : bible online

Beer VS. Women

A Beer is always wet, a woman is not….1 point
for beer!

Beer is horrible, when it is hot….1 point for
women!

A cold beer satisfies you….1 point for beer!

For a beer, you pay taxes….1 point for women!
...
If you drink a second beer, the first one doesn’t
get angry….1 point for beer!

You can always be sure that, you are the first
one Opening a beer….1 point for beer!

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down
by itself….1 point for beer!

You know exactly how much a beer costs….1
point for beer!

A beer does not have a mother….1 point for
beer!

A Beer won’t ask you to hug her for half an hour
after having it….1 point for beer!

So the Score is……Beer beats women 8 to 2

If you’re a guy, enjoy this message..

If you are a
woman reading this and getting angry, know that
a beer would never get angry……1 point for beer

Don't be angry ladies, you're still our 1st priorit

jokes : bible online

In a second grade class, a little girl asks, Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?

How old is your mother, dear? Asks the teacher. Forty. She replies.
''Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant''.

The little girl then asks, Can my big sister get pregnant?
Well, dear, how old is your sister?
The little girl answers, Nineteen.

''Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant''.

The little girl then asks, Can I get pregnant?
How old are you, dear?
The little girl answers, I'm seven years old.

''No, dear, you can't get pregnant... ''

Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, See, I told you we had nothing to worry about!

The teacher fainted

jokes : bible online

A woman and her 7 years old son were inside a Taxi. It was raining and all the twilight girls were standing

by the roadside.
The Boy asked; “Mummy, what are all those women doing?.”
His Mother replied; “They are waiting for their husbands to come back from work.”
The Taxi driver turned around and said; “Why don’t you tell him the truth?. Little boy, they are prostitutes,
they sleep with men for money.”
The Boy’s eyes got wide and asked; “Mummy is that true?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver replied; “Yes.!!”
After a few minutes, the boy asked; “Mummy, what happens to the babies those women have?.”
She replied; “Most of them become Taxi drivers

jokes : bible online

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